Finding One's Place

I am becoming aware that part of the art of living is to find one's own niche in life and not necessarily "fitting in" with everyone else's ideas of how they should live. I know this isn't a dramatic revelation. We all know this at some level and yet how many of us actually live it. Now, I'm not talking about being silly or utterly eccentric. I'm not talking about walking down the street naked because you feel like it. Rather I'm thinking about the important things in life - like one's job, one's life ambitions, and one's relationships.

For the past three years or so, I have been stressing out off and on about relationships. Was I good enough to find a man? How would I go about it? Is it too late? Would I choose wisely? Would I have any choice at all? What had happened was this.

About 7 years ago I came to a point of decision, I could follow a certain ministry path whose demands on my time and energy would make pursing marriage impossible or I could follow after a relationship. At that time I chose ministry happily. I do not regret that decision at all. When that ministry began to conclude and I was able to pass it on to others, I guess I thought I could or maybe should "make up for lost time" and turn my attention toward finding a life partner if possible.

Now, here's the odd thing. While committed to celibacy, I felt good about myself. I saw myself as attractive, personable, enjoyable to be around in short - "A Good Catch" if that had been my choice. Once I turned away from that commitment and began to think about dating and marriage, I began to see myself once again as unattractive, boring, and someone no man would want to have anything to do with. I just couldn't bring myself to post the personal ads or chat with men other than on business. It seemed impossible to find someone.

But now that I have returned to the place I know I need to be, I am at peace with myself. I see myself once more as attractive in a modest sort of way, personable and enjoyable to be with. I feel -- FREE.

It's good to be who you are. And I am Terri, a single woman, and daughter of God. And that is all I need to be.