Why Committed Part 1

Sometimes I get so frustrated with people who don't understand the concept of a "committed single" and who say things like, "Well, you can live a full single life, but keep your options open God might send along that right person, yet." Others are more offensive and say outright, "That's all well and good, but if someone actually took an interest in you, you would lose that committment real fast." That's insulting on two levels. The first level is the assumption that no one has been attracted to me. (Some have, not many but some) and secondly, that my level of commitment to God is so shallow that I would turn aside for a pretty face.

The first one, though, is more subtle and all the harder to deal with because it is couched in "church-speak." God may send the right one along. You don't want to miss God is what they are saying. It assumes first that this type of commitment was made without my spending many hours in prayer before God concerning this decision and secondly it assumes that God is the great matchmaker in the sky who overrides everyone's free will to force them into marriages. It also ignores the seriousness of a commitment.

Perhaps if we used a more old-fashioned word, it may be more understandable. Perhaps if we used the word Vow. While it may not be made in front of an altar surrounded by family and the church, most of us who truly consider ourselves "committed singles" have made a vow before God to remain single and in His service.

You see, this moves it out of the venue of simply being happy being a single person, but being ready to forsake that for the right guy. It is saying, this is something I have prayerfully committed, promised, vowed to God that I would do in His service.

Perhaps the problem is that the spirit of the age shuns commitment. It says I will work for this organization until I get a better offer. I will go to this church until I find a better preacher at another church. I will marry this person and be faithful to them until I find someone better or the going gets tough in the marriage.

We live in a world where everyone is "keeping their options open."

But true vigor and strength of effort come with commitment. If I commit myself to my job and my employer, I work for more than a paycheck. I work for the honor of the organization and my association with it. I think long term with that company. I plan projects that will bear fruit not just months but years down the road. I plant forests and not gardens.

If I commit myself to my church, I develop relationships and ministries that are enthusiastically linked to that commitment. I am single minded in helping that church develop it's ministry to its fullest potential.

If I commit myself to a marriage totally, I am not looking at other men as possible replacements for my husband. I am working with a focused vigor to improve and stabilize our relationship for the long haul making it the best it can be even during the hard times.

So it is with a commitment to singleness. I am single-minded in the vow I made. I don't flirt with the new guy at church or post an ad on a dating site "just in case" and say, "Yes, I'm committed to being single unless I find a better offer."

So, why be committed? The first reason is that it creates a singleness of purpose and sets a focus in ones life. It strips away the other relationship concerns that can impede the fullness of enthusiasm for this particular type of life.

The second important reason is focus and planning. We will speak of these in our next entry.