The Myth of Having it All

Back in the early 1980's Helen Gurley Brown wrote a book called Having it All. It struck a chord with that materialistic culture of that decade. It basically told women that you can devote yourself entirely to family, entirely to a career, entirely to sexual fulfillment and basically you don't have to make any trade offs at all.

Women and men both adopted "Having it all" as a synonym for the good life. But "Having it all" is a LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The true art of living. The true path to success lies not in having it all, but in managing the trade offs. So, what does this have to do with being a committed single. Well, for some of us it means a great deal. I know for myself, I am called to devote myself in a major way to my career and the ministries God has given to me. Actually, I see little distinction between the two. Even though I teach in a secular setting, I am helping people reach their goals and help others. So, it is as much a calling as my internet evangelism. Those are high priorities for me.

When I am honest with myself, I must admit they are much higher on my list of priorities than a husband could ever be. So, yes, I might get married, but with my husband not only being in second place, but possibly in fourth or fifth place, I would not be having a satisfying marriage. In my life then one of the trade offs I must make is a level of devotion to a career and ministry for a relationship.

Does this mean one cannot have a career and a relationship. Of course, not. But it means that there is a level of devotion to a career that goes beyond simply being a good professional. For some of us it means going way beyond what it necessary to what is over and above the requirements of the job. For instance, I am developing a number of innovative course offerings, designing online courses, developing an internet radio station proposal, pushing back some of the frontiers of how we do education. I could not do that and devote an adequate amount of time to a husband. I could have a poor marriage, but who wants a poor marriage just for the sake of being married.

Life is about choices. Somewhere along the way I chose not to be ordinary or even excellent in my career, but to be a pioneer and an academic explorer. That choice meant that any relationship other than that with God first and my field second would be unsatisfactory.

But as my last posting said, once I realized that this is the type of person I am and I let go of the idea of trying to have it all or to sacrifice what really mattered to me in exchange for a relationship. Once I let that go, an incredible wave of joy flooded over me.

I don't need to "have it all" to be happy. I just need to have the best God can give me. And when I accept that and cease striving for more I find that indeed I do have it all.