Learning to Play

I don't know if most committed singles are driven or if it is just me. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Most of my life I've felt the need to justify my existence by producing stuff. And I do it well. I write, teach, design web pages, lecture, create educational programs. What I don't do so well is play.

I'm not totally sure where it all began, but I think it had something to do with fourth grade. Back in my day that was the year they ran the IQ tests. Personally, knowing what I know about the tests I doubt their value and validity beyond simply predicting how well someone might do with certain types of problem solving and pattern recogntion. But they seemed to think it was a big thing back then.

Well, my score was a few standard deviations above the mean. Okay, it was 165. The mean is 100. Anyway, to this day I hate IQ testing. The teachers started treating me like a small adult. The kids didn't really want to play with me much as it became clear that I was 'teacher's pet.' And besides playing wasn't "mature." I was 9 for crying out loud and was expected to be mature. And what's even sadder is that I succeeded in that effort.

Everyone had great expectations of me. And I felt the obligation to meet or exceed them. I averaged 28 units a quarter in college. Fifteen units was considered a full load. One quarter I took 33 just to see if I could. Understand, this is sick. This is not bragging; it is confessing.

I was an addict, but I had an addiction which brought me praise instead of censure.

Today, I can rest, but I'm still not too good at recreating. I walk in marathons, but I doubt I'd do that if it wasn't done to raise funds for the leukemia and lymphoma society. I went to the concert a few weeks ago, but I felt guilty.

So, since this is the time of resolutions, I resolve to learn how to play. Now, I always believe a goal requires an action plan and accountability standards. So, here is what I will do this year:

1. I will attend the symphony at least four times this year.

2. I will attend some type of entertainment (concert, play, etc) at least once a month.

3. I will reduce my committed time to provide opportunities to be spontaneous.

4. I will take at least 1 hour of personal time a week and keep a journal of the things I did during that time.

Okay, so this is a bit off topic. But maybe others reading this struggle with work addiction as well. I've been productive and I'll continue to be productive, but I'm also going to learn how to play.